How To Give A Cat a Pill

 

HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL:

1) Pick the cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position the right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to the cheeks while holding the pill in the right hand. As the cat opens its mouth, pop a pill into its mouth. Allow the cat to close its mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve the pill from the floor and the cat from behind the sofa. Cradle cat in

left arm and repeat the process.

3) Retrieve the cat from the bedroom, and throw the soggy pill away.

4) Take a new pill from foil wrap, cradle the cat in the left arm, and hold the rear

paws tightly with the left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold your mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve the pill from the goldfish bowl and the cat from the top of the wardrobe. Call spouse from the garden.

6) Kneel on the floor with the cat wedged firmly between knees, and hold front and rear paws. Ignore the low growls emitted by the cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop the pill down the ruler and rub the cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve the cat from the curtain rail, and get another pill from the foil wrap.

Make a note to buy a new ruler and repair the curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from the hearth and set them to one side for glueing later.

Wrap the cat in a large towel and get the spouse to lie on the cat with the head just visible from below the armpit. Put pill inside end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check the label to make sure the pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take the taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve the cat from the neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick the pill down the throat with an elastic band.

11) Fetch the screwdriver from the garage and put the cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch a bottle of scotch. Pour a shot, and drink. apply a cold compress to the cheek and check records for the date of the last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to the cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw the Tee shirt away and fetch a new one from the bedroom.

12) Call the fire brigade to retrieve the f------ cat from a tree across

the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take the last pill from the foil wrap.

13) Tie the little b**tard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to the leg of the dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from the shed. Push the pill into the mouth followed by a large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume the remainder of Scotch. Get your spouse to drive you to the

emergency room, and sit quietly while the doctor stitches your fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from your right eye. Call the furniture shop on the way home to order a new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect a "mutant cat from hell" and call a local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:

1) Wrap it in cheese.

Neurology Appointment and Thoughts

 

Hello...back with yet another update. So..Friday morning was my appointment with the Dementia Neurologist who has now referred me to a colleague but I cannot for the life of me remember who he said that was. He wants to see if my memory loss could be due to lifelong undiagnosed Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (already spotted back in the 90s by a private Clinical Psychologist) when I was in my 30s.

He also suspects that the later deterioration of my cognitive skills might be from the cardiac arrest and coma in 2016. No one since my hospital admission has ever suggested anything like a brain injury, nor told me anything about my hospital stay, nor any aftercare offered.
I know this might sound like a positive step forward, but I have waited such a long time to be heard by anyone, I'm starting to think this turn of events is too good to be true.

So far I have been waiting more than 25 years for my privately sourced diagnosis of ADHD to be confirmed by someone on the NHS. I'm in my 60s now. Going by experience I might have my gravestone made with the wording 'still waiting for an ADHD diag....oh look, a squirrel!'.

I'm originally from Gosport in Hampshire where I got no support whatsoever from anyone who was in a position to offer help with my ADHD. I then moved to Eastbourne and got busy looking after a friend who was poorly. I put ADHD on the back burner for 9 years until my friend died. Billy died on 25th November last year so it took me just a year or so to get the referral I needed.

The reason I am seeking an assessment is that without medical support, there is a 20-year waiting list for suitable supported housing in my home town. I also have heart failure and it's unlikely I will survive another 20 years I just want to go back home to be near all that is familiar to me.

Remembering My long Holiday With Billy

 Back in October 2013, I was having a bit of a moan about how my son was away for a second holiday that year. My daughter wasn't about when I called her care home on her birthday, only to find out that she was also on holiday, as that's what she had asked for the staff to organise for her birthday.

I was finding myself at a loose end and alone in the flat I shared with my son and his girlfriend at that time. An old friend of mine messaged me from the hospital where he was recovering from a major operation and said that when he was well enough to leave hospital I could stay at his place for a break away in Eastbourne.

I started visiting him regularly in Brighton Hospital, which involved a round trip of about 8 hours, on foot and by ferry, rail and taxi. Then when he transferred to the hospital in his home town in Eastbourne the round trip was about 10 hours. We got on so well that we ended up sharing a flat for 9 years after a couple of months of emergency housing in Travelodge.

Billy died last year on November 25th and left me with so many fun memories of the longest holiday I have had 

Positivity Please

 I was really impressed with all the publications sent to me from The Alzheimer's Society. I have a lot to keep me focussed in a positive way. I need a bit of positivity after attempting to start on some puzzles from this book and realising I can no longer do any of the puzzles I used to be able to complete easily, a couple of years ago

Next Step to A Diagnosis

 

Things appear to be moving forward very quickly recently. I had a memory clinic appointment on the 13th of November and while I was there, the Doctor who saw me said that she would refer me to the Neurology team.

The appointment letter arrived today and as instructed, I rang the memory team who had said they would help with a volunteer to get me to the appointment and stay with me. No one in the memory team seems to know anything about the arrangement so I have had to ask my personal assistant to help. Luckily she is available for the Dementia Neurologist appointment.

My appointment is on December 1st and involves a round trip of around 40 miles. I had no idea it would be so tricky to get anywhere near getting a diagnosis.

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired by Liz Ayres

Compassionate Communication with the Memory-Impaired

by Liz Ayres
A Volunteer of the Alzheimer's Association and Former Caregiver

DON'T
Don’t reason.
Don’t argue.
Don’t confront.
Don’t remind them they forget.
Don’t question recent memory.
Don’t take it personally.



DO
Give short, one-sentence explanations.
Allow plenty of time for comprehension, then triple it.
Repeat instructions or sentences exactly the same way.
Eliminate 'but' from your vocabulary; substitute 'nevertheless.'
Avoid insistence. Try again later
Agree with them or distract them to a different subject or activity
Accept blame when something’s wrong (even if it’s fantasy).
Leave the room, if necessary, to avoid confrontations.
Respond to feelings rather than words
Be patient cheerful and reassuring. Do go with the flow.
Practice 100% forgiveness. Memory loss progresses daily.
My appeal to you: Please. elevate your level of generosity and graciousness.



Remember

You can’t control memory loss, only your reaction to it. Compassionate communication will significantly heighten the quality of life

Used with permission from Ellen Warner at Ageless Design

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Neurology Appointment Update

 So the letter from the neurology team arrived. Although I was told at the memory clinic I should let them know about the Dementia Neurologist appointment as the memory team would help on the day, I called as suggested and was told they couldn't help.

So patient transport was suggested but they just sent a driver to take me there and drop me off at reception.

Thankfully, I had the foresight to spend all of my PIP on paying a personal assistant for a couple of hours of support a week, who would drive me there and stay with me through the appointment too. Sometimes you just have to plan ahead and not rely on standard support

My First Memory Clinic Appointment

 

My first memory clinic appointment was this afternoon. It felt really strange that I needed someone to support me with this. I'm now in my early 60s and feel like I need a grown-up with me to hold my hand.

We met with a doctor who put me through a bunch of memory-related tasks and then sent us back to the waiting area so she could make an assessment of the information gathered and look at the scan that I had back in June this year.

I have been told that the results of the tests today are inconclusive. The scan result was that it showed minimal to moderate shrinkage compared to scans of healthy people in my age group.

I now won't be seen by the team for a year to check my progress and I have been referred to a neurology team for a bunch of further investigations to exclude other conditions.

I really feel like I have been left in limbo as I still have to manage my memory issues which impact my daily life and make it very difficult to live my best life.

It's really not good news for me as without a diagnosis, I have probably a 20-year wait on the housing list for supported housing. I doubt I will live that long as I also have heart failure and am in stage four of that

edited to add thoughts the next day

The way it was explained to me is that they can't come up with a definite diagnosis of Alzheimer's until the brain shrinkage is more obvious on a scan.

They don't take into account that the reason other people don't appear to have seen changes in me is that I don't see anyone who sees me regularly who would have reported their views back to me.

It's really frustrating as I have now had to give up working in online retail because of the issues I am having. I have lost most of the website-building skills I used to have and need all sorts of disability-related support online to help me write my book. Ironically, one of the manuscripts I am working on is an account of my continuing memory loss.

One Summer Holiday In Devon

 We went camping in Devon many times from our home in Gosport in Hampshire. One Summer while in our family tent, a storm blew up and our dad and my big brother held the tent up all night while our mum, my big sister, me and my little brother stayed in the car.

When we woke up the next morning our tent was the only one that stayed up. All the other tents on the site had blown away. The fence on the edge of the site had blown down and cows from the next field were roaming about the site where people were sleeping on the ground.

We all packed up and went back to Gosport but my mum was determined we didn't miss out on our holiday as she didn't get much time off work.

The next day she checked the weather forecast on our phone and the sun had come back to Devon. So we travelled all the way back there to another site and spent the rest of the holiday in the sunshine.

To All Grandarents

 

How Children perceive their grandparents.

1. I was in the bathroom, putting on my makeup, under the watchful eyes of my young granddaughter, as I'd done many times before. After I applied my lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper goodbye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper goodbye....

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 68. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.

"What's it about?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I really think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6." (WOW! I really like this one -- it says I'm only '38'!)

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said. "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and whenever we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

SEND THIS TO OTHER GRANDPARENTS, ALMOST GRANDPARENTS, OR HECK, SEND IT TO EVERYONE. IF THEY'RE NOT ALREADY GRANDPARENTS, MAYBE SOMEDAY THEY'LL GET LUCKY AND BECOME ONE!

IT MIGHT JUST MAKE THEIR DAY!

 

I have just been requested to report my job search results to the DWP as part of my commitment so I can receive financial support

This was my reply

"I've been asked to fill in a work search journal entry.

As this is a requirement then I am here to say that I am not available to work part-time or full-time as I am unable to leave my home to attend interviews or work due to long-term sickness, limited mobility and life-limiting medical conditions.

I read job ads every day and there are no jobs available at the post box at a few metres from my home and that is the furthest I can walk. I tried yelling through the opening of the post box

"HAVE YOU ANY JOB VACANCIES?", but no one replied"

This is the entry I added to show what work prep I am doing

"This is a message about my work prep.

I am currently studying courses in proofreading, copy-editing and English Grammar. I am setting aside study slots every day and am also reading books on how to get published and how to use the Kindle Create program, which I will be using to publish the book I am currently writing."

Red Tape Woes

 

So many people have told me that I'm not neuro diverse without a diagnosis. It's like a woman having a baby and being told she was never pregnant, as there was no test to prove this.

Seriously?...I'm not about to start down another diagnosis path at 63 lol I'm having too much fun to stop now lol

It seems a consultation with a private clinical psychologist back in the 90s doesn't count as they didn't work for the NHS

I'm going to have to watch Happy Valley again because I don't recall what it was about.

Memory loss has it's up side as I can repeatedly rewatch the same series like I've never seen it before.

It doesn't help me recall people I should recognise when they visit though. People have to introduce themselves when I open the front door, even when I have known them for years.

Three Months On

 

Billy died on this day 3 months ago. Everyone who has carried on chatting on here with me, commenting on my posts, and supporting me during this time can stay.

I understand that life goes on and I don't expect you all to put your life on hold for my journey.

I am, however, genuinely puzzled as to why most of Billy's family totally ignored that I cared for THEIR very poorly family member for 9 years when most of them couldn't be bothered even to drop by once in a while for a few minutes to check on Billy and chat with him for the whole 9 years I looked after THEIR family Member.

I would have understood if the family that neglected him had lived thousands of miles away, but they mostly live in the same town or nearby.

True colours and all that.

Where Is Everybody?

 My best friend died in November last year and I was his live-in carer. He has a huge family in the same town and none of them, except a couple of notable exceptions, who supported Billy for years, has called, texted, nor contacted me on social media since he died nor since the funeral.

My biggest supporters include family and friends who are the same people who supported me when Billy was around. Some live in my home county and some from thousands of miles away. I appreciate all my friends and family. It's at times like this that we learn who our real friends are.

Universal Credit Blues Part One

 

I am preparing for a telephone appointment about Universal credit. I was sent a text today informing me that the call is this afternoon and I'm expected to magically come up with forms of ID I don't have in about an hour or so.

I have also been asked for a fit not and don't know anyone who can say whether or not I am fit for work as I haven't seen a GP for years as I have been busy caring for someone at home and couldn't leave them on their own. I am disabled and housebound. I am wondering how I am meant to look for work since I can't show that I can't work.

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Having made the switch to using many eco alternatives to household essentials herself, she knew that these types of products needed to become more accessible and affordable before they could become mainstream. 

Amelia originally began curating boxes of existing green cleaning products. But a little research showed many of the brands behind them were not as ethical as they might appear from the labels. 

So, bide began producing their own products, which Amelia saw as an opportunity to help empower people who often face barriers to work. 

Famous Last Words Billy 1959-2022

 

Billy said this to me as I left the living room to make the bed and sorted the laundry He didn't get to have the prawn salad

Interview with Penny Hawkins (hospice nurse)

 I was with Billy as he was dying. It is comforting to know that I was there for him through palliative and end-of-life care.

Billy asked me not to go to his funeral as I would be expected to be sociable with people who didn't spend time with him when he was alive.

The link to the interview is HERE