Best News All Year!

 Maybe not the best, but definitely the most hilarious so far

The Onion has bought Alex Jones's Infowars! lol

How the BBC reported the news

I have followed The Onion for years and love them all the more for doing this.

Falon Towers Has a New Place

 Falon Towers New Site

So, I finally started my new site. I have connected it to this blog so people can catch up with me here while I add blog entries to my pages on the new site. 

I'll continue to add day-to-day stuff here when anything silly or interesting takes my fancy.

Bit Of A Surprise Heart and Kidneys packing up!

 

So I checked my health record and I was diagnosed (by the NHS) with heart failure in 2016 after more than 20 years of symptoms. Then diagnosed with stage 3 Chronic Kidney disease in 2022 after 8 years of symptoms. I found out about the kidney disease when I randomly checked my health records on my NHS app in February. I am on a waiting list for housing in Gosport but the waiting list is 20 years long while the average life expectancy for people with both conditions is about 2.2 years...oops!

Confused Again! What a Surprise! Health Update

 

What a dilemma! I have heart failure and am at increased risk of cardiac arrest because I have had one already. I also have stage 3 chronic kidney disease + type 2 Diabetes.

The dietary requirements for heart failure include foods high in potassium and the main dietary requirements for those with chronic kidney disease include minimising or avoiding foods which contain potassium.

The food selections I am looking at are opposites. So I have a choice of managing the heart failure OR the kidney disease.

How To Change a Lightbulb in a Social Media Group

 

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in a Facebook group?

• 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

• 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

• 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

• 17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.

• 6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.

• Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.

• 22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being idiots.

• 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.

• 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.

• 249 to post memes and gifs (several are of someone eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)

• 19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.

• 11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.

• 12 to post F.

• 8 to ask what F means.

• 16 to post 'Following' but there's 3 dots at the top right that means you don't have to.

• 3 to say "can't share"

• 2 to reply "can't share from a closed group"

• 36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.

• 15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.

• 6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"

• 4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".

• 13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".

• 1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb. This usually takes place within the first three comments.

• 50 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.

• 5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.

• 1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.

(Borrowed from a friend)

All reactions:

4Janet Wheeler and 3 others

How To Give A Cat a Pill

 

HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL:

1) Pick the cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position the right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to the cheeks while holding the pill in the right hand. As the cat opens its mouth, pop a pill into its mouth. Allow the cat to close its mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve the pill from the floor and the cat from behind the sofa. Cradle cat in

left arm and repeat the process.

3) Retrieve the cat from the bedroom, and throw the soggy pill away.

4) Take a new pill from foil wrap, cradle the cat in the left arm, and hold the rear

paws tightly with the left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold your mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve the pill from the goldfish bowl and the cat from the top of the wardrobe. Call spouse from the garden.

6) Kneel on the floor with the cat wedged firmly between knees, and hold front and rear paws. Ignore the low growls emitted by the cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop the pill down the ruler and rub the cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve the cat from the curtain rail, and get another pill from the foil wrap.

Make a note to buy a new ruler and repair the curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from the hearth and set them to one side for glueing later.

Wrap the cat in a large towel and get the spouse to lie on the cat with the head just visible from below the armpit. Put pill inside end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check the label to make sure the pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take the taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve the cat from the neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick the pill down the throat with an elastic band.

11) Fetch the screwdriver from the garage and put the cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch a bottle of scotch. Pour a shot, and drink. apply a cold compress to the cheek and check records for the date of the last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to the cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw the Tee shirt away and fetch a new one from the bedroom.

12) Call the fire brigade to retrieve the f------ cat from a tree across

the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take the last pill from the foil wrap.

13) Tie the little b**tard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to the leg of the dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from the shed. Push the pill into the mouth followed by a large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume the remainder of Scotch. Get your spouse to drive you to the

emergency room, and sit quietly while the doctor stitches your fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from your right eye. Call the furniture shop on the way home to order a new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect a "mutant cat from hell" and call a local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:

1) Wrap it in cheese.

Neurology Appointment and Thoughts

 

Hello...back with yet another update. So..Friday morning was my appointment with the Dementia Neurologist who has now referred me to a colleague but I cannot for the life of me remember who he said that was. He wants to see if my memory loss could be due to lifelong undiagnosed Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (already spotted back in the 90s by a private Clinical Psychologist) when I was in my 30s.

He also suspects that the later deterioration of my cognitive skills might be from the cardiac arrest and coma in 2016. No one since my hospital admission has ever suggested anything like a brain injury, nor told me anything about my hospital stay, nor any aftercare offered.
I know this might sound like a positive step forward, but I have waited such a long time to be heard by anyone, I'm starting to think this turn of events is too good to be true.

So far I have been waiting more than 25 years for my privately sourced diagnosis of ADHD to be confirmed by someone on the NHS. I'm in my 60s now. Going by experience I might have my gravestone made with the wording 'still waiting for an ADHD diag....oh look, a squirrel!'.

I'm originally from Gosport in Hampshire where I got no support whatsoever from anyone who was in a position to offer help with my ADHD. I then moved to Eastbourne and got busy looking after a friend who was poorly. I put ADHD on the back burner for 9 years until my friend died. Billy died on 25th November last year so it took me just a year or so to get the referral I needed.

The reason I am seeking an assessment is that without medical support, there is a 20-year waiting list for suitable supported housing in my home town. I also have heart failure and it's unlikely I will survive another 20 years I just want to go back home to be near all that is familiar to me.